Male-female relations in today's society, the concept of marriage. Part I


February 2009)

ADNAN OKTAR:  ...marriage is built on pure love. You love that person as a manifestation of Allah. And your sole aim is to protect that person entrusted to you by Allah and permit them to live under the best possible conditions, regarding them as a partner, a brother or even, in one way, as one’s child.

ADNAN OKTAR: : It must be founded on pure love. One must intend to see a manifestation of Allah. People get married to experience passion. People get married to experience that delightful feeling, that feeling of depth, bestowed by Allah, in order to serve Allah together and to earn His approval. A person is loved as a manifestation of Allah. Otherwise we are looking at a very peculiar repulsion, may Allah forbid. 



ADNAN OKTAR: In other words, if Allah’s approval is lacking, if one does not love a woman as a manifestation of Allah and thinks only of oneself, I would be repelled by such a woman, I mean she would be repulsive to me. I would find no depth there, no passion, affection or beauty, and that would disgust me. I could not think of such a thing. There can be no question of such things making any rational person happy.
Because when one respects and values the other person, that has an effect on a person. Someone whom one does not respect or value becomes utterly repellent. One might as well enter into a relationship with an ape as with them. It is out of the question. That passion in a woman and the effect in the soul that stems from valuing her very highly is sexuality. That is what we call it.  You value her very highly, you take her really, really seriously, she is very special to you, very great in your eyes, splendid and sacred, immaculate. She belongs to you. You are certain of her chastity. This then sparks off and magnifies this intensity in the soul.
But if that is lacking, it is all empty. Allah will in any case not bestow that strength. That part of society is already sick. They are unable to delight in women, so that is why they take drugs. I don’t know what drugs. It is not something that drugs can help. It is something to be resolved with passion. This is a powerful force that Allah reflects in people’s souls. And that is how it is in Paradise. I mean, there will also be a powerful passion in people’s souls in Paradise. We call this sexuality. But just to do it like animals, that is disgusting and repellent. That is something else entirely.


... if someone is very honest and rational Allah will bestow abundance on him and straighten his path, and will show him to you as someone in whose destiny everything is for the best. In other words, obtaining a woman is not like getting a pear from the greengrocer’s. There are such types, of course. They say how they have cars and houses, just like wholesale dealers. They say they own this and that, and in return they want to marry such and such a kind of woman. That is dreadful. It is dreadful for it to be done before the eyes of the world. That is horrible. Like buying a slave. There is a difference between looking for a manifestation of Allah to love with all your heart and turning up and saying you want to swap a trailer for someone. There is a huge difference. That is really repulsive and horrible.  One gets married in order to see a manifestation of Allah and delights in a manifestation of Allah. And this is done solely for Allah’s approval. One experiences the excitement of seeing the face of Allah, a manifestation of Allah. Allah has already prepared the groundwork for this. It exists in destiny. One meets a woman in one’s destiny. Otherwise there can be no question of a person deciding for himself what is to happen. A believer has to await whatever is for the best from Allah. Allah will produce that person when the climate is right, when the conditions are appropriate, and that is for the best. A Muslim has to expect that Allah will do what is best for him. There can be no question of demanding what one wants right away. 



What I have seen in many cases is this; women first begin feeling a powerful love when they first see the model of car. What I hear is that if the car is a very expensive one, they begin feeling a very powerful love. If the car is a very expensive model, that love spreads everywhere. If one’s clothes are very expensive, if one has been to a good school, if one’s father is rich, then that love dazzles them and they become ready to do anything. That is what I hear. Then at a later time the person says that his father has gone bankrupt and that he is also going bust because of the economic crisis. A light then goes out in the woman’s head and that love vanishes instantaneously. All the remains is someone she now hates, and the love turns into disgust and anger. This is a punishment bestowed by Allah. It is a great humiliation. But if one loves for Allah’s sake it makes no difference if one loses one’s job or one’s factory. If such things come one regards them as blessings from Allah, and if they go one regards them as also being for the best, as coming from Allah, and it has no impact on one.  But children are wrongly educated from a very early age. I see mothers whose daughters’ hands have been sought by doctors or engineers and who have made their daughters marry them against their will. It is embarrassing even to speak of. If they said that they married their daughters of in that way because nobody with taqwa, no rational people, had wanted to marry them, then there would be a kind of logic in that. It would still be wrong, because if you see a rational person you will give your daughter to him, but they talk about doctors and engineers, people who will bring in good money, with enormous pride and vanity. And many of the people who hear them will appreciate the sentiment and say how right they are. This is a terrible disgrace, something really ugly. It means treating that young girl like a slave, and that is totally unacceptable. Because that is how young girls are always brought up, most of them tend to want such wealthy people for their own children. It makes no difference to them if the person is flawed or psychopathic. That spouse may beat, swear at and humiliate their child, and all they say is that he is her husband and it is quite normal for him to beat her.  The man may throw their daughter out onto the street, but they still welcome him back, saying there must have been a misunderstanding, and so the disgrace continues. So many women are oppressed but still encouraged by their families and friends to put up with these people, even though they disgust them, because they are their husband and the father of their children. They say they have to put up with it, that it is all perfectly normal, and that one of their friends puts up with the same treatment and she should take that person as a role model. They say her own father is the same and that she used to put up with him. In other words, some people give their children a totally warped education. These things are wrong. True love, love for the sake of Allah, burns like a flame in a woman’s heart, gives ineffable delight and is truly lovely for the woman. It is an intense feeling that also has a powerful effect on the man. It is an enormous pleasure. But instead of that true delight, some people prefer to go for material things and drown in that suffering and filth. They have to stay with someone who disgusts them and suffer for the rest of their lives. Because such men hate moral virtue, hate strength of character, constantly lie and insult the woman, impugning her honor, making their lack of love perfectly clear from their words and facial expression, all their love being placed in their goods and possessions.  They grow proud and obstinate and do not recognize the woman’s worth. So many fine women waste their lives in this way. And their children. I have known many fine women. But when I have seen them again years later, their hands and faces are all worn and they are in a terrible state. Regret has caused them to lose all their humanity. They have been ruined and their youth has been squandered in that way. That precious quality in their souls disappears, and that depth of soul of theirs is wasted, and that is a terrible shame. That is why the finest measure is to seek love in harmony with the measure set by Allah, to seek that delightful manifestation of Allah, to be genuine and honest, and to fear and love Allah. One must know that the deep delight and astounding pleasure this imparts will be bestowed as a blessing from Allah.  There is a profound miracle unique to Muslims, unique to those who truly fear Allah. Few people are aware of it. And they live within this scourge because they are unaware of it. If they knew about it, they might not go down that other path for all the world. If they knew what a delight and joy living with true faith was, they would attach no importance to factories, or cars or anything else. But they are unaware of it.


   Hatred appears on the first night. The very first night. 
But in order to avoid embarrassment and because there is now an economic alliance, because the bride and the groom’s families are wealthy, they are unwilling to bring the family business down. In other words, they have founded a company rather than embarked on a marriage. They first ask, and I have seen this myself, whether the other person has his own home and a car. As if they are setting up a business partnership. What kind of love or conception is that? How much money do you earn? That is the first thing they ask. They get right down to business after learning someone’s surname. What has that to do with marriage, this business, this personal gain, this idea of personal advantage? It is a terrible thing, and what kind of love can there be in it?

I see it sometimes. They may pretend to be laughing and joyful. They may seem to smile, but how embarrassing and degrading it is to do that and play such games for the sake of money.  Since it is impossible to deceive someone who knows they are not really loved, it means a lifetime of sorrow.

What need is there for such a parody, for such a disgrace? A person is loved for the sake of Allah. They are loved as a manifestation of Allah, and there is a great and profound delight in that. It is a force that never ends. Allah has bestowed such a depth on almost all women. In other words, if a woman is given this, meaning passion, love, depth and loyalty, she will turn into an unbelievable entity. That woman will disappear, to be replaced by a superhuman entity. All that beauty, depth and passion in her soul begin coming to the surface.

It will treat her, and her hormones will work fine, and her body will return to normal. Her brain will resume functioning normally. Her skin will improve, her eyes will be brighter and her speech will improve. It will affect her hair. She will become a totally different person. The reason why most women lose their beauty and fade is psychological. Lack of true love inflicts terrible damage on a woman.

For example, I see young women who look very old. That stems from suffering and from lack of love. Love makes a woman beautiful, it beautifies her passion. But they collapse unbelievably fast when it is absent.

For example, a beautiful young girl gets married. When I see her in a couple of years’ time she is an old woman, she has collapsed and been totally ruined. The reason is that lack of love has damaged the cells of her body. Because the body’s cells are created together with love. Even the eyes understand about love. The eye assumes a totally different form in the presence of love. One’s voice becomes totally different.  The voice of someone who loves is very different to that of someone who does not. The kind of music someone who loves enjoys is very different to that which pleases someone who does not. Everything is different. All the body’s functions are affected. That applies to both men and women.


The truth of the matter is that there is a huge stage play going on. There are many players, and various plays are being acted out. This is not right. But the curtain will be brought down in the time of Hazrat Mahdi (as) in the End Times, and people will become real human beings, will approach one another with real love, and will exhibit true moral virtue and show their real faces. The masks will all be lifted. Most people are wandering around in masks these days. But these masks will be lifted. People are unhappy because of these masks. When I go out I see how most people are unsmiling and unhappy. Because they just see masks. People like real people. People like genuine faces. Masks make people really uneasy. Falsity makes people uneasy.

(17 February 2009)

ADNAN OKTAR: I do see a lot of married women, I hear about them, they are extremely troubled, I mean their faces are down, pulled as long as a fiddle. Having affray every day even if it is not that big, they don’t even want their husbands to come back home.  For example sometimes when people working outside their houses get retired, their spouses do not want them to stay at home, I mean the women want their spouses to be outside the house, I hear that a lot.  What does this mean? This is clearly the other name of hatred.  If a person loves another, that person wants every second, every minute of their time to be with that person they love. That is because they can’t have enough of them. But if she hates that person, then she would continuously tell the man to go out, to go to the café.  Or if the retired one is the woman, their spouses cannot tolerate their wives to be retired as well, they would suggest the wives to go out, they would say “go and play cards with your friends, go to that gathering”. This is a professed demonstration of hatred.  This is very very ugly. Anyhow when they do come together, the fight starts instantly. I hear this from people outside all the time, I mean I get that from so many people.  There are also very funny incidents that I hear in this respect, very amazing incidents.  That is to say they carry on their marriage as a form of a habit.  I mean it is as if they are doomed, I mean lots of women stay married because they cannot work outside. That is to say they do not have any other source of money.  I have seen a pregnant woman on the tv recently, who was beaten tragically, she was   admitted to the hospital almost in a comatose state, she was at risk of a miscarriage. She was asked if she would be complainant, and she said that she would not be because she had no-one else to look after her, because she had no-one else to look after her children. She said she will tolerate him just because of financial interest.  I mean that man had beaten his wife even though she was pregnant, she destroyed her face. It is possible that he had even hit her belly, he had hit every part of her body.  I mean it is apparent how the environment is. And still that woman turns back to that house. That is one of the tragic features of the End of Times, I mean this is one of the most anguishing events.  Whereas a Muslim woman only gets married for the approval of Allah, only marries if that is where she can gain the approval of Allah the most.  Except for that, such events develop, and these are of course formidable, they are very, very bad of course. 



There is a real flower, for example there is a violet, and a real violet. And there is plastic violet that is sold, one made of plastic. People in most places are using the artificial one these days. I mean they are trying to imitate the real violet. They are trying to do things resembling love in the manner of a stage actor. But the person he is speaking about immediately sees through this. When he asks why he is loved, the answer is for his car, for his home or for his looks. So there is clearly nothing resembling true love at all in that. Obviously, if anything happens to his good looks the other person will disappear.  So what is the point of games? But that is how they deceive some poor people. And the other party believes it. That poor person is deceived and thinks he is loved for his own sake, and one day he hopes he will discover himself. And that cunning person realizes that and approaches the other person from his or her blind side, saying that this is very meaningful and the first time they have discovered love. The other person literally becomes hypnotized. And they then do whatever the other person says. Some women are cunning like that. They wrap themselves round one, and sometimes make use of the family, too, acting in an organized manner. That poor person literally becomes their...

REPORTER: Prisoner.

Yes, prisoner. One also sees that with men. A young girl is rich, but physically unattractive. One often sees that. There was a case just recently of some famous person with a daughter who is very unattractive.  That is how Allah created her. And she was no that striking in terms of culture and personality. All she had was her money. And this person spoke to the press in unbelievable language, saying he had tasted love for the first time with her.  Everyone was laughing up their sleeve. It was so obviously a lie. But he had obviously planned to pull the wool over her eyes and eventually lay hands on all her money. That is truly horrible and disgraceful behavior unbefitting a human being.  But if that girl has good taqwa and good moral virtues, even though she is physically unremarkable, Allah will make her seen beautiful to that other person. Because a great majesty will arise, in other words, an amazing power will emerge, and what is unremarkable will be transformed into great beauty. Because intelligence makes people beautiful. Passion makes people beautiful. That deep power in the soul comes to the surface and then the other things are just flesh. Like when they slaughter a cow at the butchers and hang it on hooks. It is just flesh. There is no difference. People can deepen themselves with love, taqwa and love of Allah. And thus they can bring out that great power that Allah conceals within them. And this comes out as a miracle. I call it a kind of sixth sense. This is not something that someone who has not experienced it can understand. People must be genuine in their love for one another, and must look for true intellect and for the real person.


ADNAN OKTAR:....If a believer does not have Allah’s approval, if he does not approach people with Allah’s approval, then there can be no love in his heart. People are going to get married, for instance. The girl says she has met someone truly wonderful, that she has fallen in love for the first time in her life, that she has never known anyone like him. It is as if she has been hypnotized. She says she has met the man of her dreams. And the other person naively believes her, out of a joy of being loved or else as a result of pride. In other words, he does not look for the cause, he does not wonder why that person loves He does not stop to wonder whether she would have loved me if I didn’t have a car or if I didn’t earn so much money. He believes her out of the excitement that comes from meeting someone whom he imagines has discovered his true worth. He is amazed that he has been discovered. He is led astray by thinking he has been discovered for the first time. However, the woman actually harbors a subconscious hatred of him because of his stupidity, because of his failure to see the truth.  Because she sees him as prey. Like prey that has fallen into her web. Like a tiny fly. And he wriggles just like a fly. And she slowly winds him in, telling that poor man what an impact he has had on her, how wonderful he is and how there is no one else like him. And he naively believes her. But this is mutual torment. She deceives herself, despite knowing in her heart of hearts that it is his wealth that has had such an impact on her and that it is his wealth she is after and that she will eventually hate him, and that subconscious hatred duly appears.   The woman will automatically be disgusted by him, but her self-interests override it, because she will have money and cars and fine clothes, and those are more attractive to her. The pleasure those give her suppresses her disgust, and allows her to put up with him. And she tries not to let on any of this while she is putting up with him, of course. She finds various ways of avoiding doing so. There are ways of appearing to be nice to one another. She makes him a nice dinner and says she has been waiting for him, while he says he has found her a lovely ring. Then they embrace one another and he whirls her around, like in the films. How pitiful it is for people to spend all their lives living a lie, pretending. It is the worst suffering for a woman to live in the pretense she loves someone when she does not, just for gain, for a man to know that he is not loved, to fool himself that he is loved even though he does not really believe it, for them to pretend to love one another, as if they were the greatest actor and actress in the world. It is one of the worst scourges inflicted by Allah.  But in true love, people seek neither possessions nor money nor anything else. If they see a manifestation of Allah in the other person they are hypnotized by that man or woman. Allah bestows such a power. For example, Pharaoh’s woman was tremendously affected by the Prophet Moses (pbuh), left Pharaoh’s side, married the Prophet Moses (pbuh) and lived with him in the desert for 40 years. The Prophet Moses (pbuh) had no possessions. All he offered her was suffering and trouble.  But she saw a manifestation of Allah in the Prophet Moses (pbuh), for which reason she felt a profound love for him. That is what is known as passion. For example, a woman who was married our Prophet’s slave (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) was divorced and married our Prophet (saas). She saw in him the radiance, beauty and manifestation of Allah.  And much more besides. In other words, she saw a much greater manifestation in him than in her own husband. Allah states in His verses that the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) were embarrassed and hid this in his heart, but that Allah knew it all the time. And Allah’s command has now been performed, He states. Allah arranged for the woman to divorce His slave and to marry the Prophet with the verses of the Qur’an. But the Prophet declined. He told his wife, “Do not divorce, carry on as you are.” He meant that their marriage should continue. But it all came about with Allah’s revelation and His command was obeyed. That was passion. In other words, the woman did this as a requirement of the passion she felt toward a manifestation of Allah. We see many examples of this in history. It also happened with other prophets. Loving for Allah’s approval is something totally different. It is a most profound pleasure. There is a special force in people for this. A feeling rather like a sixth sense. In other words, it resembles neither sight, nor hearing nor touch. It is a profound, intense and ineffable sensation. It is a profound force. We call it passion. People imitate passion and love. I see it on the television, for instance. They say they are in love. I wonder what they are in love with. Will that love survive in the absence of a good job or money. They say that in that case they will get divorced. So it has nothing to do with love at all.


A woman grows old, for instance, gives birth and loses her figure. It is immoral to then send her back to her parents. Of course, she has given birth and undergone that pain for Allah’s approval, in other words, she has trusted in him. She knew her body would be spoiled. She made a sacrifice. So it would be very wrong to treat her like that. One’s love for such a woman will actually increase. One will have even more affection, compassion and love for her, because she has assumed that form alongside one. She has ended up like that for Allah’s sake. It is therefore no reason to go off her. But such things are quite possible among people with a facile perspective.



Romantic means unrealistic. We see this in boy-girl relationships. Girls are more rational and realistic. One thinks of girls as being romantic, but it is men who are romantic. I am talking about most women or a specific section of them. They occupy themselves with men as if they were dealing with mad people. A huge bearded man ends up in floods of tears. He goes and weeps, falls on his knees, pens letters, begs and lights candles. This is all very primitive, insane behavior. He writes a letter and cries over it, and then makes a note on the edge of the letter saying he has drenched it in his tears. And that is a big, grown-up man. One lacks the words to talk about such a person. He is tall in stature but has a brain no larger than a pea. But he is genuine and sincere. When one looks in someone’s face one wants to see their true face, hear their true voice and learn their real ideas. But we see grown-up men adopting poses as if they were in a 1940s film. His movements slow down, he adopts odd behavior, his looks change, everything about him is artificial, his tone of voice is artificial and he tries to make people feel sorry for him. He behaves very oddly, walking around in the rain, just like a psychopath. 

ADNAN OKTAR: He gets wrapped around her little finger, as they say.... He does exactly whatever she says. Then when the woman sees that she hates him. She then tries to get him down even more. And the more she does that the more emotional he becomes. He begins weeping like a woman. He is utterly disgraced. The woman becomes someone who bosses him about, humiliates him and wipes the floor with him. And he loses all his character. Here I am talking about one section of the system, the system that Allah has brought about as a punishment on them. Otherwise, a female believer would never behave in such a disgraceful manner. And a male believer will never fall into such a humiliating position. With them, we are looking at a profound love and respect, greatly valuing the other person and saying what one truly feels. Speaking from the heart. We are looking at two minds meeting, two minds loving one and binding very deeply to one another. In those other cases we have one romantic and the other person bossing him around and making him crazy. Allah has brought them down and they are unable to taste true love. But believers are careful over what is lawful and unlawful and over proper measures. They are careful to respect one another. Other people commit adultery, but call it flirting, and enter into illicit liaisons. That is unacceptable. Believers, Sunnis, act according to the bounds in their beliefs, insha’Allah. 


Romanticism does away with logic. It stops a person speaking consistently. For example, if a man is with a woman and starts behaving romantically, that will automatically lead to falsity. And falsity is what women hate most of all. Men and women loathe falsity. But being natural has a profound effect on people. What affects a woman is the other person’s honesty, sincerity, fear of Allah, trustworthiness and being balanced and rational. But rational women hate falsity. They dislike such people. But a woman will like someone who is rational, consistent and who thinks deeply. When she sees his depth and rationality, Allah gives rise to a special power within her. And then the woman loves him and is deeply affected by it. An ineffable delight arises in her soul. A sixth sense develops. But in romanticism, like stage actors, people are false and deceptive, and that is an utter disgrace, of course.

January 2009)

ADNAN OKTAR: ...You cannot behave in a balanced manner when you are romantic. You weep or try to kill yourself or torture yourself, and you cannot be happy.

Are unbalanced people romantic?

Generally speaking. It brings sorrow with it and impairs people’s behavior. Being rational is the best thing. Rationality brings dignity, depth and splendor with it. It produces a beauty that has a profound impact on the human soul. One cannot be romantic and rational. A falsity develops, an artificiality like that of a film studio. One sees scenes reminiscent of Turkish films, both funny and unrealistic. It is good to be realistic. Depth, passion, love of Allah, regarding other people as a manifestation of Allah and loving for Allah all have a profound effect on the soul. Then that sixth sense goes into action and Allah gives rise to a profound love for a woman in the human soul. That sixth sense that Allah produces instead of romanticism is highly important. Romanticism smothers reason and logic with falsity.


February 2009)

I speak to people a lot. I sometimes speak to many people. I have seen a sickness in my nation, among our people, among some of them. Telling lies and fantasies about their dreams has spread like an epidemic. I see that among some young girls. They totally deceive someone they want to marry. In order to keep their marriage alive or bring that marriage about they will say they dreamed they saw the other person’s face in the sunrise, then that the image divided into three parts and came back together again. Then that it moved toward her all clothed in white... 

As if in a wedding dress.

ADNAN OKTAR: In other words she makes this up, depending on her own intelligence, reason or cunning, and these poor men then think these women are most holy and credible. But this is simply cunning, and it is very widespread.  It appears in all they do. For example, when they want to buy a house they will say they dreamed about it.

... I see this widespread lying among a very small section of society, in one specific section. That attracted my attention. I noticed two things. One was this ugly vice, which is deeply unpleasant. Because it is totally obvious that they are lying, making these dreams up according to the subject at hand. They are all based on self-interest, and as if ready-made. It might be a good thing if the dreams they tell were based on good service for Islam and the Qur’an and demanding for suffering. If they saw in their dreams that they were going to a distant place to serve Islam and do hard work there, we might believe that and say that this is the sign of Allah. But these dreams are always based on self-interest and cunning. That is very ugly and they must stop doing it. They must stop lying. It is completely unbefitting a Muslim. The second is telling stupid, mindless and sometimes even immoral jokes aimed at religion and spiritual matters. Doing buffoonery and amusing other people and clowning. Is religion a matter of joke? Is it a fit subject for jokes? There is a verse on this matter in which Allah particularly explains.



Of course the person one will marry is ordained in destiny. If one cannot get on with them, that is ordained in destiny, too. And if one will love him, that is also appointed in destiny.

But at the heart of love lie, of course, love and fear of Allah, reason, honesty, loyalty and privacy. In the absence of these, neither men nor women have any power to love. And then the games and impersonations begin. In other words, two stage actors begin their wearisome and difficult act and impersonations intended to deceive the other person for the rest of their lives.  False laughter, speech, compliments and love enter the equation, and that is a terrible torment for both parties. In other words, a secret hatred develops. One appears to love although one actually does not. But when one loves for Allah’s approval, then an immense delight develops in the heart. One receives an uncontrollable delight, and this is true love. The other is just forbearance. One just puts up with the other person.


A great many people have killed off the love in their souls. One has to resurrect that corpse in their souls. One has to release that love again. The real issue is for the love and fear of Allah to enfold one. Someone who attains the love of Allah also attains all beauty in this world and in the Hereafter. After earning Allah’s approval, a person’s mind is thenceforth tied to Allah. That person will now turn to Allah and depart from satan’s control. In surrendering his heart to Allah, he is placing himself under Allah’s rule. Such a person will constantly experience depth, beauty and happiness. That is the same with sexuality. It does not happen just because one wants it to. Neither has it anything to do with drugs and doctors and the like. It comes from the joyous stirring of love of Allah in the heart and from deep love. It develops as a manifestation of deep love. It is not just some physical feeling, which would be simply disgusting. Indeed, most women are disgusted by that kind of relationship. Men are disgusted by it too, though they still do it. They realize that they disgust one another. But love for the love of Allah, closeness through love of Allah, never wears off, but rather produces a desire and love that grows increasingly profound. It increases all the time. Normally women know, they have their honeymoon, which is very brief, after which the man cools toward them and is disgusted by them. But among believers, those honeymoons grow many times over. Their love and passion increases every month. That is a blessing on them from Allah. And that is how it will be in Paradise, as well as in this world. This is a blessing unique to believers, to those who believe in Allah.



Logic is very dangerous for women. Logic appears to work to women’s advantage, but it is actually a poison that ruins them, ages them and makes them ugly and destroys the strength and passion in their souls. A woman can only attain her true beauty by complying with Allah’s approval and by fearing Him. Then a woman becomes a woman. But one does not abide by Allah’s approval in order to attain that. This happens because one lives for His approval. In that event, the power that Allah conceals in her soul comes to the fore. That is also so with the Prophet Joseph (peace be upon him), with men. For instance, an ordinary man is pretty dense. He may look like a man, but he is empty inside.  He is a mass of flesh and bone. Rational women are not impressed by such men. Women like intelligence. They are strongly attracted to intelligent men. They are hypnotized by them. This stems from the special force that faith bestows. It attracts them like a magnet. But women, devout women, are totally unimpressed by idiots or people with no religion. Such people have no effect on them, and even repel them. They cannot help themselves, it is an instinct bestowed by Allah. The Qur’an indicates this. It says devout men for devout women and devout women for devout men. This is a special quality. A woman knows, she knows subconsciously. But it is very difficult to find someone to bring it out. A woman always has a perfection of men in her subconscious. But they cannot find it. In other words, all they want is honesty and sincerity, because women hate men who tell lies. Indeed, if it happens a few times it will demolish her and have a terrible negative impact. And trust. Trust works like adrenalin on women. It totally relaxes them and puts them at their ease. And that allows the women to release all the force within her. It brings that depth out, in other words. And how does trust come about? Through fear and love of Allah. If a woman believes that a man has unadulterated fear of Allah, that he is passionately devoted to Allah, then in her brain she melts in the face of that man. It creates a relaxing in her brain. And the soul of a woman inside her is thus released. And that also applies to men. If a man is trustworthy, loyal and able to keep confidence, and if he is intelligent, to which women attach such importance, then he attains qualities that hypnotize a women. A look from an intelligent woman has a huge impact, but an intelligent woman can only show that power to an intelligent man.  She will look at an unintelligent man in the same way she looks at a blank wall. It is beyond her power.  Her look is wasted, as if poured on water. But the eyes of an intelligent man, the beauty in him, will strongly attract her. It is a mutual phenomenon. We call it passion. It is a heavenly blessing that stems from love of Allah, from deep love of Allah. It will be produced many times over in paradise. But Allah gives believers a small foretaste of paradise in order for them to recognize it. It is a blessing bestowed so they can understand the intensity of the delight they will experience in Paradise. The whole thing can only be fully experienced in Paradise. But a believer has the power to experience it, according to the depth of his faith, in other words to approach the state he will know in Paradise. And that will be most intense and delightful. So he will never think of divorce. Neither will he think of throwing the woman out because she has grown old. Neither will he think of severing relations because her money has come to an end. She will always be loved, no matter what. She may catch a cold or flu or become really ill. Sick people can find themselves in very dire straits. But he will treat her with love, affection and compassion. And he will be with her for ever in Paradise. It will be the women’s crime to covet money, physical attraction, fame or rank and to waste themselves on them.  Nobody must ever wonder where these sufferings came from. People imagine themselves to be very clever, but they cannot help themselves from falling into this suffering.


2009-07-23 04:19:33

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